In February, joined a non-profit organization called Shining Light for my second-year of work on Rikers Island.
Rikers Island. The words alone have a negative connotation: bad people and lots of violence. If you google it, you will see Rikers is notorious for inmate assaults on uniformed officers and civilians. This makes it one of the most dangerous places to work in the world. But since this was my second year returning to this institution, I knew that despite the reputation, and probably partly coz of that reputation, God was going to move in big ways.
When we got to the gym where we would work for the next two weeks, we got to meet the inmates as they trickled in. I already knew they’d be scoping me out so I made myself available, approached first, and tried to build trust right away. We only had two weeks together!
The inmates resembled a typical group of people you’d find in a social setting: you had the outgoing ones, the shy ones, the loud ones, the crazy-looking ones… basically the same breakdown you’d find anywhere… like at church or something :). But in that room… one thing these inmates had in common was this underlying feeling of being “less than”… you could feel it. Even if they didn’t say it. Even if no one hinted at it. That spirit was there. And what was so odd to me was that it wasn’t a very far off feeling for me. It was actually eerily familiar — close to home. The inmates weren’t allowed to hold onto pens and I was. They were frisked at any given time when ordered and I wasn’t. But I could relate to this theme looming over the room. The feeling of “unworthiness” was poignant. No matter how hard they tried to pretend it was as evident as the heavy shackles that some of them were physically in.
One of these ladies ended up in my small group and we got to connect. Let’s call her Jewel. Jewel is a tall, muscular, athletic woman with short hair, cool transition glasses, & walks with such swag. You could tell she was respected there — what you have to do to gain that respect at Rikers, I don’t know. Jewel’s shared her story with me… here it is:
“I grew up in the projects of New York City. I experienced abuse and an unstable family life but was able to get to college. But, at Fredonia University, a few hundred miles from home and disconnected from family and friends, I started to experience severe depression. After graduation, life didn’t work out as expected. I could only get minimum wage jobs and forced to return to the ‘hood’ where I grew up. I thought I had escaped that life but here I was working any low paying job I could get to take care of my chronically sick mother. Depression kicked in hard resulting in several stays at mental hospitals. This led to an outburst and a charge that put me in Rikers.”
Jewel would share bits of her struggle during small group but always remained tough. I think she was trying to be strong for other people and mostly for herself. You can imagine my surprise when she chose to be part of the dance group. Probably the girliest and most soft Shining Light group to join, in my opinion. As the weeks went by in dance rehearsals, small group, and daily worship, I saw a change in Jewel. She walked tall before, but by the end, she was walking tall with less effort… with joy! It no longer looked like she was carrying the world on her shoulders. She was different.
At the end of the workshop, we present what we worked on in our groups to officers, other staff, other inmates, and civilians preapproved weeks in advance to enter Rikers for the show. One of my highlights was during a song by Casting Crowns called “Lifesong”. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Jewel signing and singing these words so sincerely to God.
“I once was dead, but now I live. I once was dead, but now I live. Now my life, to you I give.
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Now my Lifesong sings to you.”
That day I cried coz I saw firsthand how God is a redeeming God. No matter where you might have gone or what you might have done, His steadfast love will welcome you home.
“When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, ‘I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.'” (John 8:12) Jewel, along with the other ladies I had the privilege to work with, got a glimpse of Jesus and took a hold of Him. They had decided to come out of their darkness and into His light. And though still in jail they have been sharing what Jesus has done with everyone around them.
Let’s join them in doing the same. Let’s be a light for Jesus wherever we are.